"There are positives in knowing a partner's net worth and not subsuming their personal debt. "Those seeking the best aspects of arranged marriages on their own would do well to push the transparency and compatibility aspects," says Dr. The biggest takeaway, whether in arranged or love situations, is to foster authenticity and gauging that astutely in others. The soul connect, however, is what often leads to tumultuous passion and expensive messy roller coaster relationships and divorces." Those who have an arranged marriage often tell me that they have a practical old fashioned marriage that is likened to a to-do list, but the connection is missing. The love and romance, the ineffable feeling that have inspired countless poets across the ages is missing, at least in the beginning. "If you approach arranged marriage, then you concede to looking at marriage as a business, financial and pragmatic solution. "It's pertinent to remember that you are exchanging one set of complications for another," she explains. Bais says it's important to note that whether you're seeking marriage by way of your own personal choice or an arrangement, each comes with its advantages and setbacks. When examining what we can glean from the process of arranged marriages, Dr. Andre Morgan / Getty Images What Traditional Daters Can Learn From Arranged Marriages Since timelines are more condensed and more people are involved in the process (with their hopes pegged on a possible match) it is even more important to be honest with each question and answer." Every marriage can benefit from placing a focus on transparency and compatibility. Some areas like past mistakes and insecurities were difficult to broach, but they are important to cover. "And through that time and phone conversations, we were able to ask each other questions. "We were able to meet about five times on our own for lunches and dinners and walks through the city and Central Park," she says. Kankariya had the opportunity to "date" the partner she was arranged with before committing - albeit on an escalated timeline. It’s important to remember that there are often many variables that influence compatibility in love and marriage, and that feelings are just a part of a much larger picture.Īrranged marriages can take on a more modern iteration, which was the case for Slisha Kankariya, 28, an entrepreneur based in New York City, who was arranged by her aunt four years ago. Caste, class, ethnicity, race and religion are important, so much so that they have to be the same in order to ensure future success and viability." But it's important to note that arranged marriages are based on the premise that elders know better. "For example, which type of weather you like, your favorite type of music, etc. "There are usually opportunities to craft your own questions because it is still an idiosyncratic process tailored to each person," she says. Anjhula Mya Singh Bais, PhD, says questions regarding how much each person earns, whether they've been divorced before and even providing bank statements that back up the assets and property each party is claiming isn't abnormal during the arranged marriage process. In some cultures like Japan, arranged marriages are often facilitated by matchmakers that play an important role in things like initiating matches of individuals for marriage, and acting as a liaison for communication between individuals and families throughout the process."ĭr. "Elder family members often play a primary or pivotal role in many countries that practice arranged marriage. "The method, process and execution of arranged marriages around the world can vary quite dramatically depending on things like religious beliefs, social customs and societal, as well as individual norms," says Cilona. Relationships 5 Ways Marriage Is Harder in 2017 (and What You Can Do About It)
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